No matter how much I try to pack in it, I come undone. I may still start work on time, I may even do the dishes I had planned to or cook, but the lingering thought that I never fulfilled the promise I made to myself permeates ever so silently in my conscious.
To say it’s a slippery slope would be a lie. It’s a cliff. I drop, and by the time I get back up, it’s a week or a month. Tired and bruised, I creep up to the edge, a weary sense of success. Only to realize I…
It’s the third week, and you feel like 2020 never left. The journal you wrote your goals on is stuck somewhere between your unfinished novel and the incomplete Business Plan.
I can’t blame you. Even if you started planning for this in December as I did, the weight of all those resolutions could come crashing if you put yourself under this kind of chronic pressure.
But today’s different. Today, you’re aware that you need to make some changes. That what you’re doing isn’t going to help you get further.
Just that thought alone is often what you need—the awareness.
My fingers sweat across the keyboard and my barefoot angles on the floor. I don’t know why I did this — or why I’m doing it.
I don’t know what the point is.
I write this on a live session on YouTube; no one is watching. My brain tells me no one cares. That I’m not a good enough writer to be doing “writing live” sessions.
This reminds me of the girl in college who said I didn’t have charisma. She was quiet and calm. We dated for a week, and then she said she couldn’t continue.
You’ve probably come across that quote. I didn’t even know the original author until today. I may forget again tomorrow. That’s one of my weaknesses; I forget things.
In a way, my brain decides what is essential and leaves out the rest. I have a hard time memorizing things, and my default answer is almost always “I don’t know?”
Alexa…where’s my phone?
The quote, though, is worth reiterating.
“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” — Haruki Murakami.
We can expand this to general advice. Suppose you…
Don’t expect anything from anyone.
You have hope, aspirations, dreams, desires, wishes.
You have family and friends who show up. You have people who stand up for you — people you can count on.
But don’t expect anything: we’re not entitled to anything.
Anything we get is a plus. Anything we get is a gift: time, opportunity, money, forgiveness, permission, etc.
I can’t control the world around me by wishing things were different. By hoping you’d understand what I meant when my words affected you negatively. Praying you’ll forgive me as soon as I say “I’m sorry”.
It’s my fault…
Let me know if this happens to you as often as it does to me:
You prepare the night before; write down your tasks; go through a solid night routine. You read fiction to sleep and have a solid 8 hours.
Once the alarm rings, there’s this subtle moment when you, honestly, without a doubt, don’t want to wake up. You want to stay here.
Then the fog clears. Always. Once you remember why you did what you did, it always clears. But it will be back tomorrow.
The past two months, I’ve spent stuck in that fog. Personal reasons…
“By the way, my name is Kamga,” I said.
“Oh, hey, my name is Anselm,” he said, turning to look at me.
My body moved with hand-stretched. Car keys dropping into his pocket, he moved the ruler to his left hand, and stretched his right.
He returned to his car, pulling his keys to open his door. Then turned around.
“That’s really nice what you did, man. I’ve been living here for a while, and you’re the first neighbor whose name I know. Thank you.”
I’m the guy at the party who comes in thinking everyone is looking…
Your cells change whether you want them or not. If you choose to ignore them, the change will not ignore you.
You see this with people who work out. Fortunately, life is not all about healthy living or weights. The reps happen passively.
The music you listen to—the movies you consume. The friends you entertain. The things you say to yourself.
“Everything you say is an affirmation. What are you affirming?”
“Man is what he believes” — Anton Chekhov
You were born alone; you’ll die alone. There are sadness and truth in that sentence. The sadness that comes with realizing that one day you’ll leave the people you care about — and who care for you. That sooner or later, you’ll be dying in a bed, old (hopefully). Or in a split second, your body or some piece of human technology (e.g., car) would fail to perform as intended.
We default to this sadness because we’re more open to dangers than joys. If you’re running away from a nasty tiger, you…
Mornings are cold, quiet, and lonely.
When my alarm rings at 4.30 am, I talk myself into not going back to bed. It’s warm. It’s cozy. Non-judgemental. It only wants the best for me at that point in time.
And that’s the problem. What’s best for you now may not be best for you tomorrow. And tomorrow becomes today.
This is how we end up making shitty decisions: we make them today thinking we’ll fix them before tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes. We’re shocked nothing’s changed.
Guess what? Today was tomorrow. Cycle. Forever.
When I think of how much my morning…
Cameroonian writer and video creator. Featured in LEVEL and P.S. I Love You. I write about building relationships and personal transformation.