I have been Anne so many times I can’t count.
It seems there’s no decision small enough that I get to trust myself without doubting a little and need some sort of external validation.
I’m aware of this, and the truth of your piece rings very clear.
Some days I’m able to go through and feel some sort of comfort by pulling on past events where my gut saved me, and on other days, I have had to fight others who seem to want to make sure ‘I don’t make mistakes’.
Finding that balance is hard — but not impossible.
For me, it seems to stem from my childhood and the lack of an environment where I felt empowered by my own choices. Now, it’s become a disdain for authority that tends towards putting me in positions where I almost unconsciously choose only when I am the only one who believes in an idea or a course of action.
I think I swing from wanting permission to being a rebel. Both extremes hardly survive reality.
Thank you for such a soothing perspective, Edith.