I’ve read this many times. It’s in moments like this one that I am grateful for the internet and the ability to connect with people who understand what my burden is. Thank you Trisha.
The past few months came with their own challenges and necessary shifts. I wasn’t even able to write about them. I found myself getting better in a few aspects and losing ground in others. As a new husband, in a new country, with new thoughts about the future, challenges, and obligations, I feel my entire being in always under the pressure the evolve to fit the ever-changing needs of my immediate or future environment.
There are moments when it is a beautiful observation. Where I look at the world with new eyes and see patterns full of nuggets and life. I get to apply constructs from — literally — another country. I get to have conversations, share mundane facts and elicit the laughter, surprise and joy of strangers about a land they may never visit.
Some days, it’s just me. Alone with my thoughts. WIth the fear that I don’t even know how to express what it is that my mind is bubbling with. Looking for words, birthing the wrong ones. Dying to be understood but unaware of the truth.
Then there are the in-between days. Where I can see how lucky I am, how much work I need to apply and how life has a way of binding miracles with curses.
C’est la vie.
I am grateful you can fathom what few people truly understand.