“What you need to do is build the house you will live in. You build that house by laying a solid foundation: by building physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.” ― James Altucher
Maybe you should try as much as you can to make choices consciously rather than letting your moods guide you. You should understand yourself more. Make decisions that are in tune with who you are.
There are times you should listen to your gut, there are times you shouldn’t, and the difference is usually based on your success rate in the past.
If you’re constantly in conflict and never intentional about things, it gets harder to know if your gut is fully developed.
You have to live boldly. You need to have something you’re living for. You need a goal bigger than you, a goal which will outlive you.
Let’s not even call it a goal.
Let’s call it a theme:
Something that seeps through your existence. Something you infuse a bit of in your daily life.
James Altucher has a daily practice which sums it well:
Every day, build your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual body.
This is not about routines or lifestyles, it’s about building a framework to put you in a position to fully be yourself — a unique, divine part of the cosmos.
This may take a while to understand, and even to experience, but like the Chinese proverb says: the best time to plant a tree is three years ago, the second best time is now.
You can’t spend your time blaming the system/country or accusing your parents/bullies or complaining about all the things that aren’t working out for you.
First off, this means you’ve not understood the fundamental cause of suffering: expectations.
Nor the true source of happiness: gratitude.
We always want more. We always compare with those who have more than us.
“If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself’”— Max Erhmann
Have you ever tried comparing yourself to someone who has less? Think about it.
What if during your moments of lack or distress, you actively sought people out who actually needed your help? People who would be immensely grateful for 100XAF when you were upset the newly minted movie theatre charged 1500XAF($3) for the premiere and you couldn’t afford it because ‘life’.
Am I saying that your issues and problems are insignificant?
Am I saying that we often focus on how bad things are and it takes away from how good things could actually be?
We’re not born with these things. The same way people aren’t born with self-confidence. The same way emotional intelligence can be learned, the same way people have read ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ and gone on to redefine their own relationships with the people around them.
You can grow. You can evolve. You can become a person who doesn’t feel lost in the world. You can live a happy, grateful, fulfilling existence.
The question is :
How badly do you want it?
How self-aware are you?
I love the definition of self-awareness in the book ‘Insight’ by Dr. Tasha Eurich:
The skill and will to know yourself and how others see you.
If you want to grow, you can’t keep using information that got you to the point of needed growth.
If you want a better relationship with your family, you can’t keep doing the same things you’ve been doing that have been deteriorating that relationship.
If you want a life partner, you can’t keep using the same parameters that got you where you are today.
“Forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. … Do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that’s an investment in who you might want to be next.”
― Dr. Meg Jay
Books have helped me in my growth. ‘The Defining Decade’ by Dr. Meg Jay is a book I recommend every twenty-something to read. I’ve watched her TED Talk multiple times and her research has inspired me to be more intentional with my twenties. As I am getting into my final year as a twenty-something, her message even rings truer.
Podcasts have been very informative in my way of seeing the world. I’ve learned about the power of the things we tell ourselves, how our biases can get in the way of our own success, and our money stories. All these while learning how to ask better questions through The Unmistakable Creative Podcast, hosted by Srinivas Rao
The internet is an info-cornucopia when you get more intentional with your education.
Your education is your responsibility, don’t outsource it.
Take the necessary steps to arm yourself with the tools you need to live the life you want. Define success on your terms. Learn to love the process, be a better human, live intentionally.