p.s. I hate your boyfriend


“I know you like me…that you always have, but we both know this …this is not going to happen. At least I do. I like you as a friend. That’s it. Whenever we talk about any of the guys in my life you always shoot me that look.

I understand. I know it’s not going to change. You’re always going to feel this way about me until you find someone you really like. Someone you’d really…love

Sometimes, I understand why Taylor Swift writes (and sings) so passionately. Am I wrong to say ‘everyone wants to be loved’? Or, could I push further to say everyone needs to be loved. I am not a ‘love expert’ (neither am I a Taylor Swift pundit). However, I am a ‘me’ expert. Or so I thought until she said that.

Let’s call ‘she’…Sofia. Unlike Margaret and Martin, Sofia and I never shared a blissful moment of interlocked mandible covers. Nope. We were…well… ‘Friends’.

I will be honest with you, I find it hard to be friends with girls. Generally speaking. It’s not as though I have a crush on every woman I meet…

Alright fine. Yes. A little. I have micro crushes that last for about 5 seconds each. Some last longer…like the ones I have for Andrea Bomo, Ade Kelly and Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie.…xoxo.

A Sapiosexual Problem

I find smart women particularly attractive. And there are many of them where I come from. But, I know (and want) to find one person I would gladly spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know what ‘qualities’ she would have nor ‘what I want in my (ugh..I can’t believe I’m using the word) “perfect” woman’.

But,I know what I don’t want. And I have this firm belief that when I find her, I’ll just …you know…know.

I have had a crush on Sofia for three years. Today, she was honest enough to give me the unadulterated truth of how she felt about me.

It hurt. A little.

Okay Okay! It hurt big time. I almost wept.

But then again, what’s the point? It’s not as though I am the most eligible bachelor around town.

I mean… come on, who writes about his crushes on his very public blog? Are you sure you want to date that guy?

I won’t. (*raises eyebrow* or would I?)

Lessons learnt?

Sofia’s frankness only made me respect her more. However, my crush died. Something else was born.

Respect: In a world where most people seek to take advantage of other’s trust, love and use them to selfish ends, silver linings like Sofia remind me( though painfully) that there are still good people left. That the darkness of narcissism hasn’t consumed all souls.

She’s right though: until I find someone to share all I have and am with, it would be difficult to move on.

Difficult, but not impossible.

I am young. With a lot to learn. I am just glad I was able to see this day and learn this lesson from a friend.

Thank you Sofia.

p.s. I hate your boyfriend

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store