Scared of Getting A Job, I Am (Part 1 of 2)
Thoughts Frozen in Fear
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Note by the author: I wrote this piece on February 13th, 2019–8 months ago. When I wrote it, I really wanted to share it with the world. But I was afraid. Afraid of what my wife would say. Afraid of what my parents would say. Afraid of what everyone would say.
I am still afraid. And I have grown too. This is why, before I share what has happened since then, let me share where I was before I ‘grew up’.
Thank you for staying with me on this Medium journey. It’s about to get a helluva lot more interesting. :)
I write this with newfound anxiety. I chose to capture this before I found a rational way out or convince myself that the feelings I have are not real — that I am making them up and should get over myself.
Moments ago, my wife asked me what kind of job I’d be looking for.
But before I get into that conversation, I don’t want to assume that you know that it’s been 7 months since I got into the US and as per my visa requirements, I got married to my wife within 90 days, we applied for my residency papers. We also applied separately for my work permit. I haven’t been able to learn how to drive yet, and the government shutdown did leave me feeling particularly nervous about how I could be helpful as we burn through my wife’s student loans.
We have a place to stay, food to eat and clothes to wear. We’re not living lavishly. We aren’t complaining either.
Well, my wife isn’t. I am. Ever since I got here, I have been impatient to make money with my skills. I couldn’t sit still. I started a YouTube channel. I wrote a lot for a while on Medium. Then II reached a point where I felt I needed to rethink my strategy because I wasn’t seeing the returns I had expected.
I took some time off the internet.
This afternoon, we got an email saying that my work permit would be in the mail soon.
I freaked out.
