Thank you so much for this comment Shreya. I love the simplicity in your voice and the way you bare your emotions without shouting them on the page. I feel that if you write more, I’d love to read from you.

Especially reading about the parts where you do something for yourself, just because you can.

I think that’s one way to find oneself: paying attention to the things that make you feel good — genuinely good, not ‘pleasure’ ( like a bust of dopamine after a beautiful comment under a post you wrote hehehe) but ‘happiness’, like the feeling you get after you’ve told yourself you’d complete a task and you complete it. Knowing that you can trust yourself to do the things you promise yourself.

A few months ago, I was lost. Just before I got engaged and my job was killing me. I found it hard to concentrate on anything and all my personal projects were going to fail. It was a very hard time for me. I transferred all this aggression by being cold and distant .My then girlfriend and now fiancee doesn’t live in my country; her holiday wasn’t exactly the best at the time.

But, one morning, I woke and a realization hit me: I wasn’t in control of my life. I wasn’t making things happen, things were just happening to me.

It hit me hard.

So I quit everything. Work. Learning. Social media. Life. I just stopped running the rat race and sat.

For the next month, I started doing whatever I wanted. I’d go play table tennis. I’d watch Rick and Morty. I’ll binge on anything I wanted.

I took a holiday and decided to simply listen and wait.

In the beginning, it was really wierd. But then, I started noticing patterns. The things I liked ( reading and writing), the things that made me happy ( exercising, walking, listening to podcasts) and the things I really cared about( my family and my fiancee).

It was then that I started structuring my life around these things. Saying no to many things. Meetings, hanging out. I’d stop watching a movie if it bored me. I’d not read a book I didn’t like.

I took radical ownership of my life and till date, I feel much, much happier.

I’m capable of loving from a place of abundance because I am truly happy and I truly care.

I understood that I was responsible for my happiness. Not my family. Not my fiancee.

I think if you take responsibility for the things in your life, and find a way to align the things that make you happy with your daily life, you’ll enjoy being you more.

I wish you the best, and if you need to talk more about this, do not hesitate to get in touch.


Written by

Cameroonian writer and video creator. Featured in LEVEL and P.S. I Love You. I write about building relationships and personal transformation.

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