Thank you so much for this comment Shreya. I love the simplicity in your voice and the way you bare your emotions without shouting them on the page. I feel that if you write more, I’d love to read from you.
Especially reading about the parts where you do something for yourself, just because you can.
I think that’s one way to find oneself: paying attention to the things that make you feel good — genuinely good, not ‘pleasure’ ( like a bust of dopamine after a beautiful comment under a post you wrote hehehe) but ‘happiness’, like the feeling you get after you’ve told yourself you’d complete a task and you complete it. Knowing that you can trust yourself to do the things you promise yourself.
A few months ago, I was lost. Just before I got engaged and my job was killing me. I found it hard to concentrate on anything and all my personal projects were going to fail. It was a very hard time for me. I transferred all this aggression by being cold and distant .My then girlfriend and now fiancee doesn’t live in my country; her holiday wasn’t exactly the best at the time.
But, one morning, I woke and a realization hit me: I wasn’t in control of my life. I wasn’t making things happen, things were just happening to me.
It hit me hard.
So I quit everything. Work. Learning. Social media. Life. I just stopped running the rat race and sat.
For the next month, I started doing whatever I wanted. I’d go play table tennis. I’d watch Rick and Morty. I’ll binge on anything I wanted.
I took a holiday and decided to simply listen and wait.
In the beginning, it was really wierd. But then, I started noticing patterns. The things I liked ( reading and writing), the things that made me happy ( exercising, walking, listening to podcasts) and the things I really cared about( my family and my fiancee).
It was then that I started structuring my life around these things. Saying no to many things. Meetings, hanging out. I’d stop watching a movie if it bored me. I’d not read a book I didn’t like.
I took radical ownership of my life and till date, I feel much, much happier.
I’m capable of loving from a place of abundance because I am truly happy and I truly care.
I understood that I was responsible for my happiness. Not my family. Not my fiancee.
It was my job to figure what I wanted from life.
I think if you take responsibility for the things in your life, and find a way to align the things that make you happy with your daily life, you’ll enjoy being you more.
I wish you the best, and if you need to talk more about this, do not hesitate to get in touch.