The only way I find the truly express where I disagree with you is still in a draft folder.

But, with this comment, I hope to start that conversation.

I am newly married to a woman I have known for 12 years. We had distance between us and spent the greater majority of our relationship in two different countries.

We met in high school, we were both teenagers.

We broke up two and a half times and still remained friends during the short periods during which we had stopped dating.

She got engaged to another man.

Since she’s now my wife, we can safely assume that that engagement didn’t work out. :)

I have dated many women in my life. I don’t say this to brag — I wasn’t a good boyfriend either.

In some of these relationships, I ended them. In others, I was ended. There are a few that redefined my sense of self.

I saw myself marry a few of them when I was with them.

If anything, now that I am married — and the ‘in-love’ phase is dying, I am more certain than ever that the opposite of love isn’t hate.

I don’t know how possible it is to completely extinguish the flame caused by someone who riled feelings in places you may not have thought existed until they did.

But I digress.

Marriage has only shown me how much I don’t know about the women I have been communicating with for 10 years.

It has shown me more about me, more about life and more about my general lack.

I don’t miss the days I dated, but I know that if I didn’t go through them, I would have little to compare and little to redefine my role with.

I may only be a better husband in the future because of the bad boyfriend I was.

And by ‘bad’ I don’t even mean abusive. I mean childish, selfish, unable to communicate well, not confident, too clingy, afraid to be vulnerable, lacking in self-esteem.

I can’t for the life of me, see a world where I haven’t benefitted from all the growth opportunities I have had. And non-marriage relationships have been the greatest for me.

Look at that, I wrote today’s post!

Cameroonian writer and video creator. Featured in LEVEL and P.S. I Love You. I write about building relationships and personal transformation.

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