You Won't Find Love
She finds you.
I remember how it felt like when I was dating without a purpose: figuring out the kind of love I was looking for. It now dawns on me that the whole time, I was going after something I’d never find.
My goal was to find love. Now…I think I know a little better.
I don’t think love can be considered a goal. Having a healthy relationship is a goal. Being a better partner, another.
In movies or books about treasure, there’s usually a map, a compass — some device with clues which guide our protagonist.
A goal is a treasure to be found/accomplished. Others may have done it, and there is some map that guarantees the likelihood of success.
I don’t think ‘love’ is that way. I don’t think it’s possible to search for it.
Especially in another human.
“But if you think true love looks like Romeo and Juliet, you’ll overlook a great relationship that grows slowly”- Derek Sivers
I notice that in the search for a romantic partner, we tend to become optimized versions of ourselves. We imagine the properties that ‘the love of our life’ would want, and we find ways to embody those — or lie about them.
